My dick look like super size....

Your dick look like two fries. OH NOES! If you ever had the hankerin to know what BritFar's dick looked like....well..."the more you know"-GI Joe.

And since I got ya'll singing Mickey now, here...enjoy...

Well wishes needed....

as Lupe and Whorski delve into an adventure of THIS kind of epic proportion this weekend. Yes, tall girl and fat kid are going to try to stumble themselves into being FOOTBALL PLAYERS!

I am not sure there is enough Red Bull to make this happen, but we shall see. Line players are supposed to be fat, right? Run...they don't need to run, riiight? Okay, I'm good.

Yaaaawnn...

What did I miss?

Ohhh...

Birdman...WHY can't you be MINE??

Bye week blues...

Nothing sucks worse than a bye week to kill your rolling start of a season. Football felt a little less meaningful without my favorite jersey on. I think less beer was actually consumed, which for Lupe is a definite sign of depression.

Bye weeks not only make a longing in your heart for YOUR team to play while you watch everyone else, but also tend to be the start of havoc wrecking for fantasy. I swear to it, ONE of these years I will learn to plan with those little numbers by the name, not just scramble on the dreaded BYE week. Tis okay, and lesson learned. Welker, you put up 14 little points tonight, and you sir, have saved my ass.

But on the bright side, my Chiefs are still the only undefeated record of the season....had someone told me I would be saying that the first week of October, I would have had to pull the bullshit card. But here I am, very happy and hoping this week we can make our fair share of Super Payton Pouty Faces™.

I'm sure my blues will fade with the always welcome MNF in addition to MND (Monday Night Darts) I shall leave you with a parting gift of maybe my favorite MNF commercial ever...

I CUT THE SLEEVES OFF CAUSE IT LOOKS COOL....NOW GET YOUR HEAD IN THE GAME!

3 and Mother Trucking O

First order of business...my liver and I survived Vegas yet again. Sorry for the delay in posting, I just take advantage of the fact you are all used to it by now.

Yeah, I need to post, because when ever have I got to be this excited about Chiefs football for a long ass time.

I would like to start this post by saying, yeah...McCluster was my last round steal in fantasy and I started him last week in my flex. I was in the shower listening to the game, and about tore the shower curtain down yelling "GO GO GO GO" as he broke out and ran for touchdown. Happily there was no sliding and naked hospital-shower-concussed mishaps. Also, I finally broke my losing streak in fantasy.

But, all that fails to compare to being able to say CHIEFS...AFC WEST LEADERS!! Yes, I know..it has only been three games, but they are playing fucking GOOD! Our D is smashing, special teams is kicking ass, Weis is spreading that O out, for the first week since we wrote him the big check Cassel didn't look like a total douche and oh...despite fantasy owners wanting to lynch Coach McScreamy, we are leading the NFL in rush offense. " That'll do pig, that'll do"

THREE....

FRIGGIN FRACKING POINTS!!!

Yes, that is what I lost BOTH of my fantasy match ups by. TOTAL. As in lost by 2 total points in one league and less than a point in the other. Damn you LaToe, damn you all to hell. It is not a good start to go 0-2. Maybe I would be okay if we could take the QB position out of the equation. All in favor say, "aye"....all opposed, well screw you.

This weekend....

did not suck either!

Man, I think Inge is a midget.

Normally if I pick a Royals outing, that is when they lose. They can take a series but the one game I attend will be a loss. But not this Sunday. Gorgeous day and with some good bats and terrible defensive play by Dets, we steal one and I get to see a W. I think the only thing I can say for the Royals is thanks for yet another year of way too much beer and disappointment. Soon enough, it will be over right?

Last Weekend....

did not suck. Got out for a preseason game, and although my Chiefs lost it in the last few, my last round steal Dexter McCluster looked pretty good. Boys step it up and get a W against GB. Yes, I know it is only preseason but any time Cassel isn't on the ground for every second play, it gets me a little excited.

Parking lot action....THIS is awesome. Beer bong crossed with pink flamingo? Brilliant! The girls in their seats....Not too shabby! There's my boys!

She's got skillz....

girlie's got it goin on.....

Why yes, that is me with my awesome "MIP" plaque. I got the award for Most Improved Player this league session, which means I just really sucked a lot when we started. In addition, my partner the always rockstar Brian Flawless Lawless was awarded Rookie of the Session!! YEAH!

I am sad to see league coming to a close, it was a blast and many good memories and awesome quotes came out of it....The upside is soon there will be more dart trips with awesome pictorials to match I am sure. Keep the anal, uh I mean aiming fluid flowing folks!

Have you missed me?

Yeah...I am sure you have....

Where to start....Training camp and preseason, FF, the Royals....DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER. Yeah, there is no way I can cover all I want to in the time allotted today.

Good news is I am going to attempt to be more diligent in my posting this football season, and if I don't you can cane me like a Singapore schoolboy.

I will leave you with this lil gem....man summer has been fun...

"It's always darkest before you pass out"-Kenny Powers

This is...

in no way related to sports, but I am a fat kid so...

I have died and gone to heaven, cuz THIS has finally come to KC. Big Kahuna. Nuff said.

No more having to sneak to Top City for any reason I could make up anymore.....

Lupe Day at the K

So, finally after missing my first opening day in 10 years, and just being too busy for my own good, I made it out to the K. Perfect day and weather. Normal tailgating, beer drinking fun was had. It was such a great day I am not even gonna bitch about our awful pitching.

Sun burnt ears, what I cant hear you over the awesomeness of my boot full of beer!

I think there are some nuts in there....you see any nuts??

Beautiful day at the K!See that thing up there called the Party Deck. They like me up there.

Today up, Detroit. Let's go Hoch. .333 is a good batting average, a winning percentage not so much Royals. Let's get it together boys.

Hey guess what....

OUR BULLPEN SUCKS!

(this is the part where everyone acts surprised!!)
Banny looked good...but this guy....THIS GUY....ugh.

And that's all I got to say about that. Damn bullpen, ya make me sick.

4 days....17 hours...

till opening day! New season, and while as a Royals fan it is hard to be optimistic, I have promised myself to try. Active roster HERE. Jason Kendall, as much as I despise you landing here, the arm tat...HOT! Regardless, the party deck is calling my name, its time to work on my flip flop tan again!

I am not gonna be one of those fans who cries and bitches this year, I have made a vow. We still have so many young guys, so instead this is what I want to see us accomplish:

Royals finish .500 **Cough cough, I know**
Greinke with 15 wins. ( I know its a stretch, but if he has the run support from the team, very very possible)
Butler to hit 25 dingers. I just like to see a fat guy smack the ball!
Cruz to keep his ERA under 2.7. Unfortunately, this is PROBABLY the most unattainable, sadly.
The hottest ass in baseball, Alex Gordon to be on the field for at least 100 games this season.

Baby Steps!!

OooooomaHaaaa!

The Omaha trip was survived. My darts were how should we say, NO BUENO yet a good time was had by all. I learned you should never drink everclear after you are 20, but really it is never ever a good idea.

Das Boot was a hit, and both the awesome fake mustache and batting helmet were in play a few nights. Let's recap, shall we?



Das Boot. I love that I still had my pinky up like I am classy!


Yeah, it SEEMED like a good idea to turn my "Team Top Gun" shirt around. I think this was Brewer and Apple Pie shot fault.



The helmet was in effect. I had to have a pic. BEST POPPED PINK COLLAR EVA!

The mustach-o fell off, but I adapted! Those eyes say...DRUNK!

Oh hell yeahs.....

Sexy Rexie and Nacho will be the stars of THIS years season of Hard Knocks. I absolutely can not wait to see a camera follow Ryan around. Also will be some goods because LT's wife will be on the verge of popping!

God Dammit, Duffy!

I am taking a deep breath and posting THIS for you today. We can't keep talent due to money, and can't grow talent without turning them into headcases. STAY on your MEDS, Greinke!

I can't say I am looking forward to this year for baseball, and that is a sad thing for me to say. Gordon can't stay on the field, our lineup is completely going to change and who the hell knows what the fuck Meche is got going on. Big sigh. Oh to be a Royals fan.

Few more weeks till Draft. Ready to see what OT we pick up so maybe we can formulate some kind of line for the million dollar clipboard man to stand behind. Looks like Chambers will be back in red next year and that makes me happy. Here's to hoping Bowe gets his act together as well. Honestly in my opinion, this is a very talent rich draft. Let's hope we get someone who can contribute right away and can continue to grow as a team. On a draft note, I took a sample Wonderlick test just for the shit of it the other day. Suck my ass Tim Tebow, I scored higher than you. Where is your Jesus now?

RockChalkBooooooHawk!

KA-BLAM, it is the sound of brackets busting all over the country.

I won't be one of "those" fans. KU played a terrible game, couldn't get it together and Collins was awful. Coaching was not good. And that is all I got to say about that. So, uh....GO BIG 12.

Re-runs of Stump the Schwab have been on in the morning, and I have been watching them and remembering how much I loved that show. I wish they would do a "vagina version" and I think I could do really good. NHL always fucks with me and any coaching stuff, but I can clean up on me some football and baseball. Also I always have to check the air dates. Otherwise I am screaming out answers that would fit the questions other than they have not occurred yet. I rock. Plus, got much love for Schwabbie, he might be the only guy who has a more extensive jersey collection than myself.

Need to get my butt in gear and set up mobile blogging again from the new Crackberry. Lupe is getting an out of state pass for Omaha Bullshooters dart tourney this weekend, and am sure there will be some debauchery to blog aboooout.

Still owe you a Royals rundown. Some day I will get my ass in gear, but today is not that day. Blah blah...more basketball...woohooo go Baylor and KSU....(can you tell my heart is not in it).

Let the....

Madness begin!!

Now that my liver is properly seasoned for March Madness with everyone's favorite holiday Green Beer day, let's get down to some round ball!

Lupe's early day winners are Old Dom, 'Nova, Florida and Vandy. We get through those and I will be ready for a nap.

Last night it was brought to my attention that the Royal's home opener is the day of the Nat Champ game. I have decided this day will be better than my birthday this year, and we all know how much I love my birthday!

Rock....Chalk....Shamrock!!

HAPPY ST. PATTY'S DAY. May the green beer flow like water for you, and hopefully your poopies won't be too discolored tomorrow!

Yeah, here it is in Spring Training already and I have been not blogging. Someone needs to put their foot square up my ass. Terrible is I went back to past posts to figure out where to pick up, and I think I can pretty much just call it good to start fresh. Royals rundown to follow soon I promise!

March Madness is in full swing, and after collecting all the brackets for my office pool, it seems like the masses think my hawks got a good look at another championship. Def wouldn't hurt my feelings any!!

Oh...Lupe and Whore, boobing it up for you. Some day she will learn what team to cheer for!

The Good, The Bad.....

and THE UGLY....

I am still shaking my head at why we do this to ourselves. THIS as in sign old guys who are not proven producers. No more time wasting on this, but here is a good link. Shaking my head...ugh.

Pitchers and catchers have reported. I think maybe it s the god damn weather that just has made me not get in spirit yet, but I will get there! T-13 days till first Spring training game. I got a bit to get in gear.

As you might..or probably not noticed, I don't think I have posted since oh...Novemberish? Yeah, I deserve a swift kick to the ass. Line forms to the left, guys.